Rodrigo

I miss Rodrigo.
I really do.
I just want to sit around and have a few beers and talk and watch The Office or whatever.
I just want to be with him.
Talk. Giggle. Cuddle.
Like we use to be when we first started dating. Just. Together.
No stress.
Back when he didn’t work all day, everyday. And actually wanted to spend time with me.

I want to invite him over all the time. But I know he won’t come.
Sometimes I just can’t help it and I invite him over.. He refuses, of course.

I get mad at him often. I say to myself that because he broke up with me, I should avoid him and block him out. He doesn’t treat me right when we are together and breaks up with me, I shouldn’t give him the benefit of my company. If anything, he should be punished for breaking my heart. I shouldn’t allow him into my life.
But everytime he calls or texts, I have to respond. And anytime he is available and wants to get together, I do.
I talk all this shit about how I just want to get away from him because he hurt me so much.. But I still come back anytime he wants me.
I can’t help it.
He has power over me.
I look into his eyes and I am weak.

I want to be stronger.
But I am so in love with him.